travels.of.tara

May 3, 2022

It was supposed to be just another trip, taking my cousin Joe and his wife Amanda up on their offer to fly from NY to their new post-nomadic home in Southern California, in Costa Mesa. With the cheap flight gods aligned, the dates changed a few times to accommodate my April travels, and my remote work schedule easy and comfortable, I was excited to spend a week with them and have a few little weekend adventures. I sort of knew that visiting a 7-month pregnant person would be unpredictable, but none of us were prepared for what would come of those days in late April/early May. As I write this, I am one of the first people to know that 12 hours ago, on May 2nd at 10pm, the world welcomed my new baby cousin Emilia Mercedes Klein!

Needless to say it has been an emotional couple of days. My attempts to work a half day before my flight home are slowly fading as the exhaustion sets in. I saw the text when I stirred around 3:45am west coast time, and while it was certainly a possibility I truly did not think it would happen while I was here.

I’m not sure how much of their business they want out in the world, but it’s important for me to write it, at least.

I arrived Wednesday afternoon and Amanda picked me up at the airport. We spent a lovely two days working from their apartment together, meeting Joe back home in the evenings. I went on some walks, we spent a nice evening walking on Newport Beach at sunset, I enjoyed lunch out with Amanda and Joe’s cooking for dinners. Friday morning Amanda came home with a cute ultrasound photo of the baby’s lips and nose squished up on her belly. They shared the baby’s name, “Mila,” short for Emilia, with the middle name Mercedes to honor Joe’s mom who passed away in 2012. I started tearing up when I heard it. Amanda and I spent Friday afternoon talking about our weekend plans, a hiking day at Joshua Tree National Park on Saturday (leave at 6:30am when the doughnut place opens, easy hikes with no elevation gains, dinner at Pioneertown) and a Sunday exploring LA neighborhoods, and for me playing some hooky Monday to drive their car to San Diego. Friday evening when Joe got home we would explore the nearby Crystal Cove State Park before dinner in Laguna Beach.

As I sat on the couch waiting to leave on Friday around 4 I heard some stirring and phone calls, and Joe let me know they were on the phone checking in on a pregnancy thing and they’d be ready soon. Amanda was monitoring her blood pressure after it was a little high during her appointment on Thursday morning. The doctors had actually wanted her to go right to the hospital that day, but after consulting the doula they declined. Despite good spirits and no discomfort her BP continued to be a little high at home, so after the phone call they came out and let me know they had decided to go in to the hospital for some scans and monitoring. They’d be back soon, and our exploring would instead simply turn into a sunset hike. They seemed annoyed and hurried out. I continued to get annoyed-sounding texts for a few hours as they waited, were being monitored, etc. I was told to get dinner for myself and I got some food at a Greek place a block away. Later on Joe told me he’d be coming home in a bit to get some things, and they’d both be spending the night in the hospital. Everything is ok, he thinks, and he’ll tell me more when he sees me. I let him know I’d be falling asleep on the couch and he should wake me up, and I heard him come in at 11pm. We sat on the couch in the dark, me without glasses, and he shared all the details. They were concerned the baby was too small, at 3% (though I don’t understand what that means), and while she seemed ok and was moving they were a little worried about the heartbeat. Everything was up in the air so they would monitor Amanda some more, but Joe’s guess was it was very likely the baby would be born early, though it was unknown when. He got some things, adjusted the seat on Amanda’s bike for me so I could get around the next day, and went back to the hospital.

The next three days we developed a little routine, as routine as the chaotic uncertainty could be: me on my own while Joe and Amanda awaited things to happen at the hospital. I explored, and actually had some lovely adventures exploring Newport Beach by bike on Saturday and ubering to Crystal Cove for 8 miles of walking along beaches and cliffside paths on Sunday. Joe left the hospital and met me for an early dinner each night – at the “Fashion Island” mall near his office (where we stopped to print updated baby documents), and some places near their apartment – then he collected things and showered at home before heading back to the hospital for another uncomfortable night’s sleep. We talked about what could happen and prepared for different scenarios, thinking about the big work meeting on Friday, the friends who were planning to visit in two weeks, the baby shower in early June. About all the stuff they hadn’t gotten yet and the hilarious number of packages that were arriving those few days. About what having a premature baby means for the parents who have to leave the baby in the hospital for weeks. About the possibility of her staying at the hospital for weeks longer until the baby came. I texted both of them at the hospital and sent Amanda some cute animal pictures. Amanda was getting steroid shots to help grow the baby’s lungs in case she was born early. They were waiting for a specialist to come on Monday. She was just laying in bed and unable to walk around.

On Monday they decided Amanda would stay at the hospital at least through the end of the work week. I made plans to go back to the hospital with Joe that night so I could visit Amanda and say goodbye before my flight Tuesday afternoon. Joe would drive me to the airport. We missed each other after spending so much time together for those 48 hours and splitting up abruptly. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in the hospital with such uncertainty, and feared the uncertainty would continue. When Joe got home I attacked him with the bombshell news I was reading of the Supreme Court’s draft decision striking down Roe v Wade, though I had little time or ability to process. As Joe showered and I got ready to walk to pick up the food order, I heard him answer the phone while showering, and while I couldn’t hear the conversation I did hear “I’m leaving now, I love you.” When he came out he let me know that Amanda was bleeding a little and he was rushing back. She texted him not to worry that the nurses weren’t overly concerned, and to drive safely. In the couple minutes he got himself together and wished he could have a beer right then, we shared a really nice hug and tearful moment. We said we were both glad I was there, even though it was a strange few days, because it helped give Joe someone else to talk to and be grounded around. I was glad I could offer some support, and I wished I could be that for Amanda too. As he left and I picked up our dinners, I reflected on how hard it must be without immediate family closeby, and started tearing up more as I thought about how I would forever be a small part of the baby’s eventual birth story.

I was shaken and tired. I had told my mom the basics and sworn her to secrecy, and I think she did pretty well despite hearing some other relatives press her for intel. The parents knew the basics too and I think told a few others. Mom texted Joe and tried to call them on Monday but Joe eventually told her to wait til Tuesday. I talked to my friend Carla throughout the weekend too, feeling more comfortable sharing the details with her because she didn’t know them. Carla is due in 2 weeks, and we both expressed our gratitude for her easy pregnancy so far.

I heard back from Joe at 9:20:

-How’s it going? Are things ok?

-I’ll tell you more tomorrow. I think so. Likely I will not be able to come back tomorrow though.

-Ok. I’m so sorry this sounds really scary. Take it moment by moment! And don’t worry about me obviously

I ate and went to bed a little after 10, leaving my phone on in case.

I woke up a little at 3:45am, and looked at my phone. Sure enough I had missed some texts from Joe at 12:45:

-I recognize this is an unfair ask but we’d appreciate if you could keep it on the down low for now…

Amanda had an emergency c-section. And Emilia Mercedes Klein was born at 10pm on May 2nd! Baby is little but she’s okay! Doing great. Amanda was so brave. She’s doing great. I’m so proud of her.

Please keep it between us. We’ll share more soon with people.

And here I am! I tried but was unable to fall back to sleep. I worked a little, canceled some meetings. I cleaned up a little. I’m going to try to walk to Target around the corner to get some decorations for when they come home, before my flight in a few hours. I’m concerned that they didn’t send me the daily door code today but don’t want to ask. I heard from Joe again recently, they are with Mila again and she is doing great. I’m tired and emotional. I’m ready to be home but also want to stay here and be with them more. I’m excited to see the baby, even in pictures for now. Update, I went to target and decorated, and got the door code. And that’s that!

—

August 26th, almost 4 months later. Tiny Mila stayed in the NICU for a month before joining her parents back home. All are healthy and settling into baby life. The big friends weekend happened, as did a hilariously-timed baby shower on the beach, and the work stuff waited. When I got back to New York that day, Joe had told my parents while I was on the plane, so the news started spreading rapidly across the family as I crashed on my childhood bed (if there’s anything that warrants an unplanned airport pick up from your parents, it’s an emotional overload). I’m honored that I get to forever be part of Mila’s birth story, and I’m looking forward to meeting her on the east coast for a visit in a few months. Reading it back, my words were a little jumbled that day as I spit out details and memories, for lack of any better idea of what to do with myself. It was a tremendous emotional experience, and I only now am ready to put the words out there as I prepare for new travels and adventures. I wish Mila so many of her own adventures as she grows up!